Monday, August 10, 2009

Struggling

Michael is not a good patient.

He doesn't do simple things that will help him gain strength like eating and walking.
He lays around and watches Law & Order and NCIS all day long.
He doesn't take a shower every day.
He doesn't have much to say, but can find the energy to be critical of me.
He doesn't seem to have much fight in him.

I am not the best caregiver.

I resent him laying around.
I don't like it when he doesn't respond to my suggestions and pep talks.
I can't stand listening to him cough anymore.

I just want him to:

Get up every morning and eat breakfast.
Take a little walk.
Take a shower.
Play the guitar.
Have a snack
Take a nap.
Eat lunch.
Take a little walk.
Play the guitar some more.
Have another snack.
Take a nap.
Take another walk.
Eat dinner.
Watch a little television.
Go to bed.
Repeat.

Something along those lines, anyway. I just think he needs some structure to his days. I think he needs to put the effort into doing things that are good for him. Things that will increase his strength. Things he enjoys.

I am concerned that he is depressed, even though he says he's not.
I am concerned that he doesn't have a fighting spirit.
I am concerned that things won't ever be normal here again.

14 comments:

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

Being a care giver is hard. Make sure you are taking time to take care of yourself.

Depression seems like a real possibility, I would mention it to his doctor.

K said...

I would definitely mention the depression to his doctor.

I'm sorry you are both in this.

Please tell Michael that I'm praying for him, for these things specifically:

That he find the will and strength to help his body to be as well as it can be, even if he doesn't feel like it, for his sake, and to remember his love for you and do it for your sake, too.

I'll pray for you, too, that you have exactly what you need each day to feel loved and cared for, too.

Catherine said...

((hugs))

Number 6 and no more counting! said...

xo dear friend.

Lea

Parisienne Farmgirl said...

As you can see, men are horrible patients last year when my moms hubby had that brain injury...ugh, what a stubborn pain in the BUTT he was!!!!!!!
And then, you are right, they get depressed and I don't think you are a horrible caregiver you have to remember the caregiver needs caregiving sometimes - after watching my mom do what she did I can say that I think it's the caregiving wives that need a break. They can't be objective like an outsider can be in that they just want their man back and it's so hard to watch them not being strong and able.
All that to say everything you are both feeling is normal. Depression as a side effect needs to be out on the table and make sure you have someone from church or a friend you can come over and husband sit because you NEED a few moments here and there to act like this isnt happening as hard as that will be.
Sorry I am coming off so preachy. It's just this sounds exactly like my Mom and her Hubby last year. One year ago this week actually.
Thank you for being so honest. Love you.

Jenny said...

I don't know really what I could say to make things easier. But I am praying for you and Michael. You are doing an amazingly difficult job. I will continue to pray for you. XOXOXO

Tamara said...

Oh Joannah! I am praying for you and Michael. It is difficult for men to be sick or have an illness and when they do it often seems to be overly exaggerated. At least that's been my experience with my husband. They are not good patients for their wives, but maybe the most wonderful patients when in the hospital. Go figure...

Depression is a very real issue and does need to be mentioned to his doctor. And you, my Dear, need to take care of yourself! Depression can be contagious.

Perhaps family can come and be with him while you go to a movie with some friends. A trek to the public library. I've been found wandering the old sections of a cemetary reading the old tombstones.

Oh, and laughter is healing. Maybe rent some funny DVD's the two of you could watch together.

Hugz to you!

Alex and Jill said...

This sounds like the way my grandfather is a lot of the time. He has cancer and has currently decided to stop treatment, but even when he was receiving treatment, he would go through times of just sitting in his chair and doing nothing, all day long. I think he does deal with depression. Definitely mention it to his doc. In the meantime, I'll be praying for you both. I know this isn't easy for you either. :(

((HUGS))

Kathy and Joel said...

I can't imagine how hard it is to be a caregiver to someone who is battling so much. Do you have other help besides yourself?
Things will be a new kind of normal at some point. You and Michael will build it back to a point that is different, but happy again.
I wish I could give you a big hug.

Shannon said...

Prayers and hugs.

thewrittenword said...

The entire situation is a hard one. I'll keep you guys in my prayers.

Dawn said...

He does sound depressed. Being in limbo waiting for treatment is so wrong.
Being his caregiver is not easy...just a few months ago you were having so much fun and now.....he has
changed so much and you want "him" back.
Any chance he would listen to his mother or sister instead of you? Perhaps they could get him to at least shower and try and structure his time a little better. If not them, are you close to his boss or a guy friend of his that you could talk to.
His cough reminds you of the situation, and you don't NEED to be reminded.
Oh Joannah it is ugly but everything you feel is so normal. I do understand...I walked this path a few years ago.

Julie said...

Bless your heart. I can understand why you are frustrated, it must be very difficult watching someone you love act like a different person, despite a very good reason.

No solutions, only hugs and prayers for you.

M3 said...

Oh man, I just can't imagine how hard this is for both of you. So incredibly hard. I hope it helps in some small way to be able to journal what you're going through on this blog -- you have so much support from all of your internet friends. Sending huge hugs and prayers.