Friday, August 8, 2008

BFN

I woke up just before 4 o'clock this morning and couldn't go back to sleep because I was so excited about my beta test. Unfortunately, I missed out on a couple hours of sleep for nothing. I was having lunch with sweet Shelley when I got the call from the nurse to tell me that I am not pregnant. To be honest, I wasn't surprised at all. I just don't feel pregnant.

I wasn't upset so much with the not being pregnant, but as I look ahead at the next couple of months, I am very concerned that Michael's travel schedule is going to coincide with our IUI dates. He doesn't seem to think that our fertility treatments will be a good enough reason for his boss to let him sub out the work. You can imagine how that makes me feel. Grrr! I'm going to have to get to the point (hopefully today) where I can hand all that timing stuff over to the Lord and let Him deal with it, because it's one of those things I just don't have any control over. I guess I just need to have my hissy fit before I can come at this from a spiritual perspective again. How mature of me!

So, thanks for hanging in there with me this month. I'm afraid we've still got a ways to go, though. Your support and friendship make the burden a little easier to bear. Thank you for blessing me with your prayers.

As for tonight, this is how I'm going to deal with it:

Make it a double, Mitch!

22 comments:

Shelley said...

Oh, Joannah ...I was so hoping for a different outcome for you guys today. That said, I do believe some wonderful things are in store for you and Michael.

Just hang in there, and keep the faith. Like we talked about today, when you let go ...the right things happen.

xo,

Shell

Shelley said...

Oh, and it was so great to see you!! I so enjoyed our little outing. :)

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

I am sorry.

Kate said...

I am so sorry. I have been skulking around here today....just praying and hoping to hear great news. I have no fabulous words of consolation...I so remember those days...and well, I really wanted to punch well meaning people with pat little sayings. Have a little cry. Collect yourself for a few days. Drink your double...and on to the new month of new possibilities.

Thinking of you tonight...

Kate

Donna said...

Joannah, I'm so sorry! I know how much of a disappointment it can be to get that result. Really, I do.

I don't have any regrets about our 8 IUI's, 2 IVF's and 3 failed pregnancies because all of it put us on a path that led us to the two little girls that we eventually adopted from China. But if adoption wasn't an option for us (and my husband wasn't sure it was back then), I would have certainly had regrets about starting IVF at age 42. The chances for success were so much better during all the months that we did IUI instead.

I don't want you to have regrets so look into IVF if it's financially an option.

Donna

Paula said...

I feel like driving down the coast and having a that double with you!
I know what you mean about having the hissy fit first and THEN giving it to the LORD, I do that all the time. I tend to forget that He is in control and I just want it MY way.
I had a tubal ligation reversal when I was 40, I got preg a couple of times but always miscarried. Come to find out I had a fibroid, well I guess fibroids can prohibit you from getting pregnant. I really wish the Dr. would have told me that and removed the fibroid at the same time he did the surgery because I think I might have had a different outcome.

Shannon said...

Grrrr. Have one on me as well. I am so sorry this attempt did not come to fruition. You certainly have my prayers and support as you continue to make your dreams come true.

Tori said...

Grrr right back at ya! This sucks my friend. Going through this thing with my sis gives me some idea of your pain - but doesn't really touch on what your little heart is doing! I am truly sorry.
I am here to support your next venture every step of the way! If only I could actually get you pregnant - but there are limits to my powers!

wzgirl said...

Hugs, HoneyPie. I feel for you.

Where you going for the drink? My treat. xo

Catherine said...

((hugs))

Kathy and Joel said...

(((HUGS))) my friend.

This is a disappointment that cuts to the bone. I'm so sorry.

Alex and Jill said...

I'm so sorry it didn't work this time, girl.

Still praying...

*HUGS*

Lisa and Tate said...

Oh man, I was hoping it was your month! Hugs

D said...

dang...

jen said...

I am sorry, too. You are such an amazing woman - hopeful and open to the wonders that will come.

Anna Grace`s Jie Jie said...

I am so sorry...

kris said...

oh man! won't stop praying- so sorry it didn't happen this time...

Special K said...

I was so hoping this would be your month. Don't give up.

Tammy said...

I'm sorry, and truly understand your pain and disappointment.

Wishing you all the best...

Alyson & Ford said...

So sorry, sending hugs too.

Alyson LID 01/27/06

Julie said...

So sorry to hear it. Hoping for a little miracle next month or soon after.

Kristen said...

Im so sorry Joannah that this wasn't the month... all in God's time.