Thursday, January 28, 2010

Meltdown

Last night was really rough for me and I lost it. I haven't cried that hard in I don't know how long. As I mentioned yesterday, I just feel pressed and stressed about so many things at home and at work. I cannot adequately express how trying this month has been for me.

I guess what put me over the edge last night was trying to get Michael settled into bed, and he just couldn't get comfortable. After two hours or more of restlessness and coughing, we both decided that we needed to sleep in separate rooms. That's when I lost it. It just seems so unfair that we can't enjoy the closeness of sleeping in the same bed at the end of the day. Michael rallied his strength to comfort me, and I was able to relax and fall asleep. But when the alarm went off, I did not have it in me to go to work. Instead I arranged for a substitute and went back to sleep.

Once my friend Teresa arrived to care for Michael for the day, I headed off for some pampering. It was very therapeutic, and during my massage I was able to let go of a lot of the tension I was carrying in my body. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to turn off the chatter in my mind. If anyone has the secret to that, please let me know! As the afternoon has worn on, I can feel the stress creeping back into my body. I wish the tranquility of the day spa had followed me home.

Thankfully tomorrow is Friday and we have no plans for the weekend. If someone would like to come be with Michael on Saturday evening or Sunday morning so that I can go to church, give me a call. I haven't been since November and I need to worship and hear the Word. I'm hoping that what the massage did for my body, time in church will do for my emotional state.

It's just a very difficult season of life that I find myself in.

12 comments:

~K said...

I could never begin to imagine the feelings you have each day...

I hope someone can come so you can go to church. I'm very glad you took the day off to be good to yourself. Work will always be there... you need to do what's right and good for you.

Hugs and love and prayers to you always.

MomMom said...

I'm glad you allowed yourself some time today. You need it. I wish we lived closer so we could help out on Sat. night or Sun. We certainly would if we could. Read Matt. 6:34 daily and claim that scripture. It's been my scripture since diagnosed with breast cancer over 5 years ago. I hope it will help you.

Donna said...

I wish we lived closer. ♥

Donna
Our Blog: Double Happiness!

Kathy and Joel said...

Like Donna, I wish we lived closer. I wish I could come over there right now with some chocolate and some good wine. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hold you tightly against me so that I could give you some peace and strength.
I'm so glad that you called a sub for today and that you got a little pampering. I don't have any of the answers you seek, but I know you will find your way.

Isabella's Mommy and Daddy said...

BIG HUGS..
Thinking of you always..
Love ya girly..
Wish I could do something..

Sandra said...

It's been said, but I also wish I lived closer. I would come and help you out in a heartbeat.
I have no answers for you, just loving thoughts. (((hugs)))

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

I think you are entitled to a melt down and I think it is important that you validate your right to those feelings.

Good for you to taking a day off and pampering yourself.

Alex and Jill said...

I just wish I could hug you right now.

So glad you took a day for you. Do that as often as possible. My grandmother is currently caring for my grandfather who is no longer receiving treatment. He has decided to quit all treatment and enjoy the days he has left. The days are so hard on my grandma. I never realized how hard it is on the caregiver until now. I'm so sorry.

You're always in my prayers.

((HUGS))

dawn said...

You seem to feel guilty for releasing your tension. My gosh you really shouldn't and I hope it helped you at least a bit.

I'm not sure that you have time for this but Yoga is great for clearing your mind but failing that try meditating. Just a few minutes a day will help so much and you could do it with Michael together in bed.

A day here and there from school, although financially challenging, is probably a marvelous idea.

Breathe my dear, breathe and do take time for you. You cannot care for Michael if there is no YOU. I so hope you made it to church.

AprilMay said...

Oh, a chattering mind is the worst! I do believe being in the Word would help calm that considerably. I am praying that you were able to go to church today! And I agree with everyone else...take as many days off from school as you can! Use those sick days. Your students and Michael both need you healthy!

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Calico Sky said...

((((((((hugs)))))))))

Do hope you got to Church?