Saturday, October 24, 2009

What a Week!

We returned from northern California last Sunday evening. We traveled back on Highway 101 which is such a great drive - rolling hills, farmland, Central Coast wine country, occasional ocean views, Santa Barbara. What's not to like? It was a beautiful day for all that, too. I avoid the 5 whenever I can as it holds no charm, but it is a faster trip. Fortunately, we were not in a hurry.

However, Monday morning we made haste and dropped off the rental car, grabbed a quick breakfast, and picked up the dog from the kennel before readying ourselves for my Tata's funeral that afternoon. It was a beautiful service befitting her life. All the grandchildren had a role in the service. My three boy cousins shared a reading of the 23rd Psalm. My youngest cousin led the singing of Amazing Grace with Michael accompanying her on guitar. My sister read something she'd written about Tata and led one of Tata's favorite hymns Be Still My Soul, and I led the last song I'll Fly Away with Michael on guitar. There were so many people there to remember Tata. The chapel was full. Then there was a brief graveside service before we headed back to my parents' for a reception. There were so many family members and friends there that it seemed like Tata should have been there with us, too. I think family gatherings are going to seem like that for a while to come.

The rest of the week was very demanding once I returned to work. During conferences, I teach until 12:20, and then spend the afternoon conferencing. It's a lot to do in one day - lots of talking. I also had things to do to catch up since I'd been out for three days, and a week of lessons to plan for the week ahead. I barely had a moment to eat my lunch or take a potty break. I'm glad to have that done until next March.

Last night, we had a brief date at one of our favorite waterfront restaurants. They have a great Happy Hour menu, and we oftentimes will just make a light meal of some of their small plates. That's what we chose to do last night, too. I always enjoy going out with my Honey.

Today I've been a teeny tiny bit blue. It's the baby blues, or should I say the no-baby blues. My sweet friend Jill just gave birth to her long-awaited baby girl, and I am so happy for her. But Jill and I did IVF at the very same time, so her baby's birth is a reminder to me of what we might have been experiencing if our IVF was successful. Life just hasn't turned out the way we thought it might a few short months ago. I'm trying to "keep the faith", but it seems that requires me to just put thoughts of what might have been out of my heart and mind altogether. It's not easy.

Michael has started round two of the Sutent today. We are hopeful that the side effects will continue to be manageable. When we stopped in Carmel last Friday, we had a quick visit with a friend of Michael's who is a retired oncologist. He said it's a good thing that Michael is able to maintain and/or gain weight, because if the cancer was winning he could admit Michael to the hospital, put him on a feeding tube and give him 5000 calories a day, and he still wouldn't be able to keep the weight on. Michael's next scans will take place the first week of December, and I'm expecting them to show good things.

10 comments:

~K said...

Wow... you really had a busy week.

What a heartfelt service for your Tata... good memories to have.

Hoping Michael handles the Sutent well this time again... will be praying for him.

I'm sorry you have the baby blues... it should have been you. It weighs on my heart that you are still struggling with this. I think of you often and hope that his plan for you is one of greatness and joy. You of all people are so deserving to embrace motherhood. It will come, I pray for for that too.

XOXO
~Kristen

Michelle said...

It sounds like you had a good trip. we love the 101 too and will take it to reach our desired destination but are often in too much of a hurry to get home on the way back and end up taking the 5. Booorrring :)

You must be so emotionally drained. A trip, then the service capped off by the conferences!

I totally understand the bittersweetness of your friend's baby. I joined an infertility group years ago and now they have 7 kids between them. I love getting together with them but it saddens me to think that we all started in the same place and I'm the only one out of the 5 of us that was unable to realize my dream.


I hope you have a relaxing rest of the weekend!

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Praise God for such encouraging news!!!! You continue to be in my prayers!!!! I am so sorry for your heartache...so many hopes and dreams on hold in your life right now...My heart is so with you!! Much love to you! Janine XO

Kate said...

Hi Joannah,

I just wanted to let you know that I am still here and praying for you both. I have had a bit of a medical odyssy myself the past month and a half...and truly, I have you to thank for potentially saving my life. I will e-mail you privately if I can find your e-mail. I have not wanted to burden you...but now that I am on the other side of things...I want you to know that sharing your story so candidly made a difference in my own life. I am thankful for that.

Okay...I may have to chapter my comment if I continue...so hopefully we can catch up soon...

Kate

K said...

I can't believe it's been two weeks! I was measuring the time of the Sutent break.

Funny, I learned to prefer the 5 because I always drove to Fresno to see my TuTu at night and it was possible to see for so far ahead, I felt safe. But it's definitely a drab road in daylight.

Isn't it amazing how many people have babies or adopt them in such a short span of time. I'm sorry you're feeling blue. I'm glad, though, too, because it means that you are feeling your needs, too, and not just Michael's, and that you are continuing on your "pre-cancer" course inside.

I'll keep praying for you both. It's actually nice to pray specifically for people, not just a general, "Bless the poor, sick and needy," though I still pray for them, too.

Your Tata's memorial service sounds like it was perfect, a family tribute of love.

Have a good week and please tell Michael I'm thinking of him and praying for him. I actually think of him whenever I weigh my cat Henry!

Teacher's Pet said...

Joannah...a tribute to your Tata that I'm sure would have made her smile. I read with contentment that you and Michael had a date at one of your favorite restaurants. Your love is grand... I pray that you won't be too blue...I can't say don't be blue, but I understand...but I do pray that those feelings subside to a point that you can and will enjoy each other...as you are doing...and my heart smiles as I read about the two of you. Love...no greater gift than love. Thank you for sharing yours about your Tata...your Michael and your much wanted baby. May god richly bless you...a sweet couple...
Love,
Jackie

onesillymama said...

Wow, what a lot on your plate! Your Tata's service sounded lovely. I'm glad you were able to make good use of your Sutent off-time. Praying for good scans for Michael from here...

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Hoping this week is less hectic than last!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers! ~Janine XO

Donna and Joe said...

Joannah,

You always have such a positive attitude and even with the baby blues and Michael's health problems, you still keep the faith. I so admire that! You are one amazing women and don't you forget that!

Even though I don't comment often, I do still check in on you and think of you often. My prayers are with you and Michael.

Donna

Kudo said...

You went right by Shell Beach if you were on 101. Avila Beach then Shell then Pismo Beach. Maybe we can meet there this summer. We are going to be there for Christmas can't wait.

PS I hardly ever get a potty break. Something to be said for diapers;) Your turn will come I'm sure of it.