Thursday, April 2, 2009

Feeling Funky

I'm in a funk! I hate feeling this way. Yuck...

I think I was finally able to verbalize some of what's bothering me yesterday. I told Michael that I feel like my summer vacation is looming up on the horizon, and we have no plans other than our FET. If that's not successful, then my whole summer will have been spent at home and I won't have much to show for it. Not the world's biggest problem, I know, but I just want more out of that precious time off than fertility treatments that may not bring me any joy when it's all said and done.

So, then my sweet husband suggested that we look into using his airline miles to go to Hawaii. After looking at our options, we were disappointed to learn that it would cost us 20,000 miles more for those tickets this summer than it did last summer. We have the miles, but we're not sure we want to use that many for one trip. Furthermore, because the FET is our first priority and the timing of it depends on my menstrual cycle, we can't really tell when we'll be doing that, and consequently when we'd be available for travel. So, Hawaii isn't going to happen this summer.

For now, our plan is to take a road trip up to Northern California, or maybe as far as Oregon when we know that we won't need to be home for doctors' appointments. It's not much to get excited about just yet, but maybe as we get closer to being able to make some real plans I'll get more enthusiastic about it.

Until then, I'm afraid I'm still in a funk.


Lea said...

these horrible "funks" do help us process I am afraid. but, I just hate them too. Hang in my friend.


Kathy and Joel said...

Sorry, Joannah. I think it's great that you are able to verbalize it. Keeping making some plans. It is important to have things to look forward to.

Dawn said...

I think you need to be in a funk right now and not only that but you have every right and reason to be there. Don't rush your emotions and don't hurry to deal with them. You have gone through an awful lot and all the hormones amplify it all.

I am not going to suggest how you deal with any of it because we all deal with things differently but let yourself heal and as you do this funk will subside.

AprilMay said...

Ick! Funks are not fun, but if anyone deserves a little funky time, it's you. ;) If you DO come all the way up the Oregon coast, Depoe Bay is my favorite place EVER! It's tiny, romantic, and gorgeous. Plus the whales hang out there in the summer!

Alex and Jill said...

I'm sorry you're in a funk. :( You're always in my thoughts and prayers. I'm praying that you have some exciting news after your FET, making it the best summer ever.


Anonymous said...

So I know two stops on your N. Cal vacay... Los Osos and that cute little B&B in Inverness- remember??

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

Your feelings are really, really normal. ART takes a tremendous amount of time, effort and money. Worth it if it works, but all for nothing if it does not work. There is nothing fair about it.

I think your plan for mini trips is a good one. I also encourage you to enjoy your own back yard. What would you do in your home town if your were a tourist? What have you not done?

Treat yourself to a local hotel and finer dining establishment.

Do all the same things you might do on vacation. ( no computers, phones, tv etc) and just enjoy each other.

Take the money you might have spent on vacation for something tangible. Something you will have forever.

That said I think it is important to allow yourself to feel these normal feelings.

Kayce said...

I completely understand this Joannah. We too will not be making any summer plans and I'm not too happy about it. It is what it is, as Joyce Meyer was saying when I was down there. If you make a road trip up north...give me a call.

PIPO said...

I'm sorry. I understand the funk that can come with feeling bound to something you are afraid to get excited about.

One can make joy wherever they are so I hope you get to experience some wherever you find yourself this summer.

K said...

Ah, the FUNK. Have you ever just allowed yourself to wallow in it? Just for a little while? You have the right; you've been through a lot. Make a list:

Discontinuing an adoption
Attempts to naturally conceive
Attempted fertility treatments
A husband who travels a lot
A stressful job
Pet health issues

You've had a huge past year or so. Now that you are under the influence of the chemicals of fertility treatments, it's even harder for your body to deal with normal life's ups and downs.

As you work through this phase, just do the best that you can and relish the simple pleasures that come your way. Your yard plan sounds like a great start because your home is the center of your universe and preparing the "nest" is a great step in the parenthood scheme. I also believe in the benefits of touching the raw earth and creating life through planting, etc...

I've been praying for you specifically as you prepared to start your family through these medical treatments and will continue to pray for you as you continue this journey forward.

I'm glad you are close to Christ and can take comfort there. I don't know what I'd do without Him.

Alyson and Ford said...

Northern California sounds wonderful! Wish we could come to California, DH has never been!
Hoping for success this summer!

Alyzabeth's Mommy

Sara said...

Just use the miles and go to Hawaii! If you do get pregnant, well, it will be a while before you're able to go on a long trip again. And if you don't, you'll need the boost that a trip will bring.