Praising God in Hard Times

I have to admit that my response to our failed IVF attempt wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. I might not have blogged about it, but it hurt to have my hopes built up by that first BETA, only to have them swept away when the second results came in. I didn't spend a lot of time crying and moaning about it, in fact I think I took it in stride all things considered. But I felt a bit numb all week, and I found it hard to express my feelings to God in prayer. I took a break from my personal Bible study, and didn't turn to God in prayer as much as I should have. I wasn't angry with God, but I was and am weary of this journey. Why does it have to be so hard?

My parents went with me to church last weekend, and the song I've posted above was part of the worship time. It really spoke to me. They did another one that I've downloaded from iTunes called "Everywhere That I Go", and it, too reminded me of God's presence in difficulties. I've always felt that my heart was especially receptive to God's revelation to me through music. I may not have the energy to spend on a Bible study when I'm hurting or frustrated, or to communicate my deepest feelings in prayer because my emotions are too close to the surface, but I will listen to a song and sing along with it until my heart is softened and I begin to get what I think God must be trying to tell me.

A few weeks ago my pastor gave a message about praising God in hard times. What really impressed me was the testimony given (via video) by a young mother whose child had suffered from leukemia in the recent past. She, too, had retreated a bit from her relationship with the Lord while she was consumed with concern for her child, and the endless hours she spent by his bedside. But one night, as she stood vigil at her child's bedside in that hospital room, she felt the Lord urging her to lift her voice in praise to Him. She's a worship leader at the church, so one might think that would be easy for her to do, but she resisted because her heart was hurt and it seemed contrary to her nature to do something that should be so joyful when she was in such a dark, lonely place. She went on to say that she knew she needed to be obedient to the Lord's prompting, and so she began to sing praises to God. Her testimony concluded with her acknowledging that that was the turning point for her spiritually in that whole experience.

So, last night, while my husband was out working a gig and I was home alone (I don't like being home alone!), I downloaded those two songs, turned up my speakers and just lifted my voice in praise. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders as I put my focus back on God and His goodness - all that is amazing about Him - and off of me and my problems. My heart felt lighter and freer than it had all week long. What a difference!

My goal this week? Keep praising God even if I don't feel like it.