Friday, January 2, 2009

Dumb Advice

We were at a party last night with lots of Michael's friends. The same guy who asked me last year at a Christmas party if we were "trying to procreate" asked us how the baby making is going. This is a guy my husband sees twice a week, and according to Michael, he is kept up-to-date about our situation. I don't have a problem with that at all, but I fail to understand why he then has to bring it up in social situations.

So, after receiving a rather general answer from us, he asks us if we're considering adoption and he tells us that he knows lots of people who "have gone to China and brought back beautiful girls," and "the orphanages are full of babies there." I quickly jump in and tell him that I was in the process before Michael and I decided to get married and that I had to forfeit. He then says, "What they don't want married couples to have their kids?" Ignoring that, I tell him I'd still be waiting at least another year at the rate China's process is going, and Michael tells him that we can't adopt from China because Michael is over the age limit.

Then he goes on to suggest we adopt from the Phillipines, and he jokes that it would probably only cost $800. The ignorance about international adoption and the lack of sensitivity towards our struggle to have a family is unbelievable.

I think I'll have to skip that party next year.

For what it's worth, I know this man isn't mean-spirited. He's just a clod.

One more thing...

He also had to go and say that if we adopted we'd get pregnant for sure. My husband jumped on board with that train of thought (too much wine), and I had to school both those boys that only about 5% of couples achieve pregnancy after adopting.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about the ridiculousness of that conversation all day today!

14 comments:

Kathy and Joel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kathy and Joel said...

Sorry you had to endure that. The sad thing is that he represents (possibly) the majority of thought out there relevant to the supposed "ease" of international adoption.

Dawn said...

Don't skip the party because you will be able to take your baby's photos with you next year!!! :)

The insensitivity cuts to the core and sadly the comments don't end just because the children arrive be it through adoption or birth.

Chin up, this will be your year.

Alex and Jill said...

"You don't call retarded people retards, it's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded." -Quote from The Office.

What a retard.

Alex and Jill said...

p.s. I was calling the friend a retard, not you! LOL

Lisa and Tate said...

What the HECK??? It never ceases to amaze me how dumb people can be.... I guess you just have to consider the source and move on. Sorry it was hurtful, though.

AprilMay said...

Oh Joannah, I am so sorry you have to deal with such cr*p!! Honestly you are a better person than I am because I would order...I mean, ask my husband not to share the details of our life with such an insensitive clod anymore! I wish I had a great comeback for you when dealing with people like that. :( If you are brave, you could ask him how much it would cost him to go to China and purchase some manners!! Because he certainly needs some and obviously hasn't been able to find any in his own home!

OH MY #6 said...

oh dear.

Lea
xo

PIPO said...

I'm sorry but I have to say it: asshat!

That kind of insensitivity is just unspeakable to me.

Geneva said...

I have read your blog for a while now. Having endured the pain of infertilitly for many years, I can sympathize with much of what you have/are going through. Sorry I have never commented, started to several times, but got sidetracked. Had to on this one though. Our son is from the Philippines, daughter from Vietnam. He is 5 now, came home four years ago, she is 2, home for a little over a year. Oh, what I would have given to have been there when that guy made that stupid comment!!!! There will always be someone somewhere that will make these kind of remarks, sorry you had to endure that. Oh, and he is WAY off on the cost of international adoption (LOL)!!!!

Joannah said...

Geneva, thank you for commenting here today! My husband is 3/4 Filipino, and I have done a little research into their adoption requirements. By the time we've been married long enough to apply, Michael will age out of the program. What a shame! I could totally see us doing that if they didn't have the age restriction.

I hope you'll continue to read my blog and comment now and then.

:-)

kris said...

School them? Oh you're too kind woman. I would have scolded them!! :O) Happy new year nonetheless... here's to hoping 2009 brings GOOD things to all of us!!

Sunny said...

Bless you! What a dope. I hope that 2009 will be a (re)productive year for you!

Special K said...

Sometimes people just don't realize how their stupid remarks sting. I'm sorry you had to listen to his crap.