Sunday, August 17, 2008

What I'm Learning About IF

I'm still asking myself why? after today's outcome, but there are some things that I have come to understand about this journey so far and I'd like to share them here.

The first year of IF was a lot easier to handle than the second year is proving to be.

The longer this goes on, the more difficult it is to talk to those with limited knowledge about IF, because it's painful to keep explaining everything.

There are many aspects of this process that I have absolutely no control over, and I hate that.

My friends and family members love me and are supportive, but they just don't understand what this is like for me. Those same people sometimes have expectations of me that I can't live up to right now. I'm learning to be okay with that.

Infertility treatments are outrageously expensive for us, and our insurance doesn't cover a stinkin' thing.

Some people say all the wrong things in response to our IF. I'm sure they think they're being helpful or clever, but they just aren't. If you've lived with IF, I'm sure you know just what kinds of things I'm referring to. So, I'll leave it at that.

IF sort of puts your life on hold because you're always waiting to see if you need to be around for treatment. For instance, I'd really like to plan a weekend get-away for our first anniversary in November, but I can't move on that until we figure out our IVF schedule.

My blogger friends, because so many of you have been there before, are one of my greatest sources of comfort. You get this struggle, and I'm so grateful for that. I appreciate your support and covet the prayers you make on our behalf.

It is a test of one's marriage.

It is a test of one's faith.

And, even though I'm hurting, I also know that God is good and that He has a perfect plan for my husband and me. He's right here in the middle of all this, and He will lead us where we are supposed to be.

"We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purposes."

Romans 8:28

I love how my Life Application Bible explains that verse:

God works out all things - not just isolated incidents - for our good. This does not mean that all that happens to us is good. Evil is prevalent in our fallen world, but God is able to turn it around for our long-range good. Note that God is not working to make us happy, but to fulfill his purpose. Note also that this promise is not for everybody. It can be claimed only by those who love God and are called. Those who are "called" are those the Holy Spirit convinces and enables to receive Christ. Such people have a new perspective, a new mindset on life. They trust in God, not life's treasures; they look to their security in heaven, no on earth; they learn to accept, not resent, pain and persecution because God is with them.

Amen...

16 comments:

D said...

I am so sorry. It is a difficult journey for sure...and I do believe people are meaning well when they say stupid things...but it still hurts none the less...I think that's why so many people don't talk about it because it is SO arduous explaining over and over.

So...hang in there. Praying for you and Michael.

Kathy and Joel said...

It is the hardest thing I have ever had to face in my life and 8 years of it is so draining. You know I am in your corner and pulling for you every step of the way.

Homemakerang said...

don't give up hope!

Julie said...

Bless your heart.

I'm praying for you Joannah.

Swampgirl said...

I walked in your shoes a long time ago. There seem to be so many more procedures and tests now that I don't understand - but the mental part is the same. It seems particularly difficult when you are a teacher, with so much love to give your own child. I had 2 teacher friends that went through it with me. Our journeys were different yet we were such wonderful support for each other. We continue to support each other 25 years later! We used to say that God was teaching us patience because he had some wild children in store for us. And that proved true! And we certainly used that unconditional love that grew so strong in those difficult years! Keep believing in your miracle!

Paula said...

You are so right. People do say hurtful things, but half the time I don't think they realize what they are saying. I just think to myself "Bless'm Lord" :)
Yes, you are right, God has a plan for you two. I will pray that His will be done in your life.

AprilMay said...

Your faith is beautiful! And so are you. ;)
And people don't really know what they are saying OR they don't know what to say!

poppyandpeony said...

I'm so sorry for your pain. I think of you often and really hope for good news soon!

((((BIG HUGS))))

Stephanie said...

This may be one of the hardest things you will go through... Infertility is so hard. My heart breaks for you because I feel your pain. You are so right though, it is the mindset you have on life that will carry you through. If you can accept and not resent pain, hope always shines through the darkness. (As corny as that sounds)

Another big hug to you.

Alex and Jill said...

Every single thing you wrote in this post, I have felt in the past. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

The good thing is, you go through it and you grow and in my situation, I came to a point where I realized infertile isn't who I am, it's not stamped across my forehead. It may have taken two years to get there but it's a great place to be.

I'm praying for you, sweetie. I know this is hard but you are so strong and you will get through it. Stay grounded in His Word like you are and He won't let you down.

Chin up...

*HUGS*

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

I have probably posted this before. I would not return to the IF years for any amount of money. They were THAT BAD.

When I read your post I can still remember what it was like to curl up and cry. I can remember what it was like to feel true heart ache. A true physical pain.

You are right, people say the dumbest things. Give yourself a pat on the back, I am sure you reply with more grace than I did.

I am confident you will find your path to parenthood. I PROMISE it with be worth the wait, but that does not make the wait any easier.

Tori said...

My love....
I am having a little cry here for you and my sis.
Why is true....
The whole thing is quite literally torture.
My heart, and ovaries are aching for you right now...
They started to hurt after I called my sister and told her it was a no....
They always hurt every time she is in pain...and they are twinging for you too...
Hang in there my beautiful girl...
We can do this crazy thing....

PIPO said...

My heart remains with you,through the ups and the downs. When there are no words...only waiting and hoping, know that I understand and send comfort.

Alyson & Ford said...

I can't imagine how painfully hard this is. While not trying to compare this to our journey, the thought that came to mind was how each cycle must be like anticipating a referral. The emotional roller coaster ride has to be exhausting.

All our prayers to you and Michael.
peace
fm

JoAnn in NJ said...

Hey Joannah,
Unfortunately I can relate and "get the whole enchilada." It was not in our cards to have a biological child. It hurt and I raged...whomever said biology was destiny didn't have to deal with a sister who had an "oops" 3rd pregnancy while you were trying to conceive yourself. We dealt from 36 to 40 and then went forward with adoption.

Once we made the decision to adopt, I used that as my primary focus of my life...all work was for the adoption and we became the parents of the most beautiful baby girl in the world.

Would you consider adoption again? It might bring you the peace it's brought me.

I hope that you get your hearts desire.

JoAnn in NJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.