Monday, October 15, 2007

The...


... is apparently too much to ask for. As of today, the stated date by which response cards were to be returned to us, there are still 25 responses outstanding - twenty of them from Michael's guest list. For a relatively small guest list, I think that's a lot. I have to admit that this is something that REALLY bothers me. I just don't understand why people find it too difficult to write their name down and check whether they are coming or not on the postage-paid postcard that came with the invitation, and put it in the mail. If that's too much for them, then how about a phone call or an email? Quite honestly, I just think it is terribly rude to not respond in a timely manner. Terribly rude...

Fortunately, we have some time to follow up with these wayward invitees (all of whom are dear to us - really!). Hopefully, we can get in touch with everyone this week. I need to order our favors, but I don't have a clear enough idea of how many people will be there to do so yet.

People are so "funny" (funny-peculiar, not funny-haha) about wedding invitations. A single cousin of mine asked if he could bring a buddy since the girl he is dating can't make it - but, he wasn't invited with a guest. He was really nice about it when I explained that it is going to be a small wedding and that we want to share it with our closest family members and friends, so it wasn't a good day for him to bring his buddy. He'll be coming with his immediate family instead. Another guest (on someone else's side of the guest list...) added a guest to her response, although she hadn't been invited with a guest - no phone call to ask if that would be okay, or not. And, at the family reunion over the weekend, in talking with a cousin of my sweetie's (a grown woman), I realized that she and her family thought that their whole family was invited because her father (Michael's uncle) had received an invitation. That was one very uncomfortable moment for me, but it was resolved amicably.

Now, if I'd done these sort of things to other brides and grooms over the years, I'd say this was karma. But, I have always been one to respond within the first week of receiving an invitation, and I have never neglected to RSVP at all.

In talking with my coworkers about these things, I realized that every bride and groom have to deal with these sorts of things. One woman I work with said that when her son got married a couple years ago, he invited his neighbor and his neighbor's wife. Apparently, this neighbor had just been the go-to-guy for all things home improvement related, and they'd struck up a friendship. However, when they received his response card, he RSVP'd for his mother and a friend of hers - people the bride and groom had never met. I guess he thought the invitation was like free tickets, and that if you can't use them you give them to somebody else - why let them go to waste, right? The groom went over to the neighbor's to politely explain that the invitation was for him and his wife only. But, in doing so, that was the end of the friendship. The neighbor was so offended, he hasn't spoken to the couple since.

Another teacher I work with, was married about four years ago, and she said that in addition to the guests who didn't respond, the ones that really made her angry were those that sent their regrets, and then showed up anyway! She said she was like, "What the aych-ee-double-hockey-sticks are you doing here?!" Knowing her, I can totally see her doing that, too! I should have her at my wedding to run interference for me.

Anyway, I think people need to follow some basic etiquette rules once they receive an invitation to a wedding:

  • Respond in a timely manner, and if you can't get your response card in the mail on time, then make a phone call to the bride or groom.
  • Understand that the names on the envelope indicate the invited guests. If you are single, and it doesn't say "and guest", you're on your own - like it or not. If you really need to attend with someone for some reason, then call the bride or groom and talk to them about it.

It's all about communication, really. Just let us know what you plan to do. Please!

15 comments:

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

On the flip side of the coin. My DH and I have been invited to several weddings where only the two of us were on the inner envelope. We arrange for a sitter, go to the wedding only to have the bride and or groom upset that we did not bring the kids...............

kris said...

I know what you mean, and my ex and I ended up just laughing most of it off, what else can you do? We had one couple (older couple, friends of his parents) that we invited, and they RSVP'd for not just the 2 of them, but their THREE GROWN CHILDREN, all who were in college or already married themselves. We shrugged our shoulders and never said anything, but we didn't even know his kids. I mean, why would someone who doesn't KNOW the bride or groom WANT to be at a wedding?? That is just weird!

Hang in there :O)

David said...

Yeah...there were a lot of people who never RSVP'd for Amy's birthday party this past weekend. It's just hard to plan for food when there is no idea how many will come!

Doris & Dan said...

Pain in the tush! I had my cousin and wife come to my wedding on the invite of my aunt (his mom). They arrived in time for the rehearsal dinner and left early the morning after and I literally spoke 3 words to them the whole time. Some find it to be an excuse for partytime but not realizing that people are hosting you.

Good luck!

Keep smilin!

Sandra said...

I agree, I agree!!! I have very little tolerance for people who do not RSVP or who are late!

Kayce said...

Oh yes I understand your pain! I too am one who will mail off the RSVP within days of receiving it, I also include a little note to the couple to make it more personal. Yes I'm a kiss ass!

At our wedding I had a coworker actually 2, who never rsvpd and said they couldn't go verbally but the day of they both showed up with their children!!!!!! Once couple had 4 kids, the other had 2 and those two brought their boy/girl friend!!! Needless to say I wasn't happy. I went about MY day though and just let it go.

Michelle said...

It seems like no one RSVP's anymore, for wedddings or anything else. People who don't respond show up, and those who say they are coming don't. I don't get it. I have been know to put the RSVP card somewhere and misplace it, but I always call to let the couple know if I am coming(or not). It is simply a matter of being polite. Why is that so hard these days?

Shelley said...

I'm so with you. Guest lists (and guest choices/behavior) can present the stickiest situations. Not the funnest part of this process.

I can only wish you luck on nailing down your attendees. :)

redmaryjanes said...

It can really be tough. Our wedding was pretty small (80 people). We didn't have very many problems with the rsvp's, but I understand what you are talking about.

AprilMay said...

I'm so sorry! At least you'll be prepared when no one RSVP's for your child's first birthday party...and then they all show up! Get used to it! ;)
I hope things get smoother as you get closer to being a wife. I'm sure they will!

Special K said...

All brides have the same problem. I had a little of 200 guests. And there were probably 40 I had to nag to find out if they were coming.

But what burned me up more were the ones who RSVP'd but then didn't show up. When you pay the caterer per person....it added up. I was so pissed. We probably had 15 people that just no showed with no explanation or apology. Cost us several hundred dollars.

Kathryn said...

A lot of my husband's relatives never RSVP'ed and then when he called and left a message to call and let us know they didn't. We figured they weren't coming since they lived aquite aways away and they didn't but it still would have been nice to know. We planned like they weren't coming, but had they just showed up, I don't know what we would have done. There weren't anymore tables set up and space was a little tight.

Also, we're having a banquet at church that they sent invites to, and this past Sunday, they had a little comedic sketch about RSVP'ing, because most people had not. Unfortunately, I was as guilty as everyone else, but time was not up yet and for weddings, I am good at responding quickly.

new girl said...

Oh, I hear you! We did not have anyone invite extra guest, but many who we had to follow up on because they didn't reply in time. And a couple of people who said they were coming, but then didn't show up, which you hate to be mercenary about, but you are paying quite a bit for their meal. The rules really are pretty simple so it's totally mind-boggling that people can't get it straight!

Terri said...

I am ROLLING about your coworker's neighbor. I *have* to rsvp immediately or I forget! It drives me crazy when people don't rsvp but it never fails!

Shannon said...

So not right. I hope all your MIAs get their act together. I am in shock over the extras!