Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A Not-So-Goodnight

One of the things I enjoy the most about being married is going to bed with Michael every night. I'm not talking about sex, as there's been very little of that in the last year due to infertility and cancer, but it's still intimate and comforting to crawl into bed at the end of the day with the one you love and drift off to sleep. We always kiss goodnight, and in the morning we always cuddle. I'm sure we're not that much different than other happily married couples, but these little rituals make me happy.

But tonight will be the first night we don't share the same bed, and I am struggling with this. We purchased a mattress set for the back bedroom over the weekend and it was delivered today. Several minutes ago I tucked my husband into that new bed in hopes that if he were in another room I could sleep through the night. It was a mutual decision. He doesn't seem to mind at all. But I am torn up inside about it. I'm afraid it's going to lead to more separation - that we'll never have what we once had again.

This is getting to be really hard. I just want my healthy husband back.


Michelle said...

I can understand how that would be hard. I'm sorry. :(

Debra said...

Tonight my soul be still and sleep.
The storms are raging on God's deep.
God's deep, not thine, be still and sleep.

Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep:
God's hands shall still the tempter's sweep-
Gods hands, not thine, be still and sleep.

Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep,
God's love is strong while night hours creep-
God's love, not thine, be still and sleep.

Tonight, my soul, be still and sleep,
God's heaven will comfort those who weep-
God's heaven, not thine, be still and sleep.(Streams In The Desert)

Praying that our Lord will comfort you during these difficult days.

Penny Malley said...

I'm sorry to read this, Joannah. Sometimes I feel, in the craziness of our days, that I really only get to be with my hubby when we crash in bed at night. Have you tried earplugs to help block the coughing sound? Ambien or some type of medication for you to take? I don't know... separate beds are just so... separate...
I'll brainstorm some more ideas...

Sara said...

Kiss him goodnight, go crawl into bed holding one of his t-shirts, then get up in the morning and get into bed to cuddle him. Not the same, but the next best thing...

Calico Sky said...

Oh Joannah, I'm so sorry. I hope and pray it gets easier. I hope and pray he is back in your bed soon!