Sunday, June 7, 2009

My Strength, My Hope

I talked with my MIL and one of my SILs yesterday. Understandably, they are taking this all very hard. They are both women of faith, but their hearts are heavy.

I felt like that the first day we heard the word cancer as it pertained to Michael's health. Once we left the doctor's office that day, I couldn't stop crying. Not only was I worried for my husband's health, but I was seeing all our hopes and dreams at best put on hold, and at worst lost. I was a wreck. I could hardly sleep that night.

But, the next day I began to deal with this spiritually through prayer, spending time in God's word, and praising him in song. Each day I put my husband's well-being back into my Lord's hands. I pray for his healing. I pray for him to know the Lord. I still don't know what the future holds, but I do know Who holds the future, and I take great comfort in that.

Since I've been drawing close to God, my fear has diminished considerably. I am learning to capture my worrisome and negative thoughts and lay them down. Jesus said His yoke is easy and His burden is light, so I've decided to give my troubles over to Him. I do not dwell on all the "what ifs" and "whys". Instead, I focus on all the good. All the resources we have available to us. All the friends and family we have who love us and who are praying for us. And all the good that God can do in this situation.

That doesn't mean that I'm sitting back and waiting on things to just happen. I've been very busy researching the disease, getting to know what we can and can't do with our insurance coverage, reading about people who are living with the disease and/or who have beat it, looking into state disability coverage for when/if we need it, etc. Last night, I picked up some books and DVDs about healing from my church's bookstore after the service. I feel like I'm preparing for a battle of sorts, and I am. It's a battle not only for the restoration of my husband's health, but for our peace of mind.

Over and over in my head I hear the lyrics below:

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory, let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone

My SIL yesterday said she doesn't know how people without faith get through crises like this. I don't know either. I'd be a puddle without Jesus.

Be blessed!


Terri @ in His hands said...

I AM a mess without Christ, that's for sure.
I'm so glad you have family that can pray with you!

Kathy and Joel said...

I'm glad that you are finding strength in your faith. It is this strength that will see you through.

kris said...

you are amazing. i am in awe of your faith and of your fortitude.

Number 6 and no more counting! said...

I am blessed as I am learning so much from you. Tell me how you got to this spot. How you have such complete faith? I hunger for this kind of strength.

It is an honour to know know. Seriously, an honour.


3D said...

Hugs and prayers for all of you.

Keep smilin!

Kayce said...

Giving the fears to HIm is so incredible. I know when I do the same I feel so light, so free, so loved. You are a strength of faith to those who are lost Joannah. Lots of hugs and prayer.

Parisienne Farmgirl said...

Sorry I have not been around, I just read our last 5 posts to get caught up. It doesn't help to be told once again what an inspiration you but - you are.
I continue to pray for you both and to be amazed by your clinging to the Father.

Ava Baby said...

It's been awhile since I checked in and am so sorry that you guys are having such a hard time right now. You are obviously a very strong person. We will be praying for both you and Michael.
All our best, Michele & Ava

melanie said...

i've only met you a couple of times, but have had the pleasure of singing with michael for quite a while. i had no idea this was going on until dave eastly directed me to your blog today. i'm so surprised and at a loss for what to say. you will both be in my prayers.