Tuesday, July 29, 2008

My Chinese Dream

I dreamed last night that I was in China with my husband and parents at some hotel. Everyone around us was receiving their long-awaited bundles of joy. But we were left empty handed. It wasn't a good dream - it was sad, actually.

In light of how much things changed with the adoption process in China after I began my adoption, and how much I love being married to my husband, I know that I made the right decision for us when I walked away from my adoption.

But every time I see an Asian baby my heart aches.

10 comments:

Kathy and Joel said...

Oh, I understand this ache so much! You did make the right decision and you will be a mother...the pain will subside. Stay strong, my friend.

Michelle said...

Of course your heart aches. That was a loss for you. That's completely natural to feel sadness over it. Grief is funny that way, in that it comes in waves(for me anyway).

I had that same dream awhile back.
I think it was around the time they changed the rules and we realized we didn't qualify under the new ones. I still have doubts about whether or not this process is going to end with a child for us.

kris said...

Having one failed adoption with the divorce, I know that ache. If this adoption comes to fruition, I will have waited over 4 years to realize that dream.

I'm sorry it still hurts, but I understand.

Shannon said...

Yes, a different path in creating your family. There will always be a special place in your heart for the Chinese baby of your dreams. But what a wonderful, amazing new journey you are on!
PS Just checking on you because of the earthquake. Hope you are not too rattled.

Special K said...

Hugs... just hugs.

Kristen said...

It WILL happen for you, you will be a mother.

(((HUGS)))

Catherine said...

((hugs)) friend. You did the right thing but you're also so normal to feel that tug on your heart each and every time. Someday it will be your turn to be a mommy and we will all celebrate with you!!

Recovering Wino said...

Oh my gosh, don't I know it. I think my log in date is close to referrals now, and I feel it especially so right now.

(I am so glad you are doing well..)

AprilMay said...

I agree with the others...she was your dream for so long, and then you had to let her go. Sometimes the right decisions are also the hardest ones!
And the longer you wait for a baby, the greater the joy when you hold that baby for the first time.
I get that same ache every time I see a little girl. I love my boys, but I never, ever dreamed I would never have a daughter. It's also a hard thing to let go of.

a Tonggu Momma said...

I came here via Searching for Sophie and I just needed to send some hugs your way.