A Long Goodbye

Taylor hasn't been herself for several months now. Over the summer, she became very needy and didn't like going outside at all. If she was left outside for too long (in her opinion), she would bark until I let her back in. It was a desperate bark. It made me a little crazy at times. I thought it was because the flies were bothering her so much, but even after I fitted her with a fly-repellent color, her weird barking continued.

I have noticed that she is very wobbly in her back legs also. She slips and falls on the hard surfaces in the house regularly. Buffy knocks her down at least once a day. Even so, Taylor's appetite has been good, and she's always happy to be with us.

But last night she started barking in the wee hours of the morning, and continued to do so while I got ready for work. I had to let them back in while I got ready because I was afraid she was bothering my neighbors. However, they both went back outside before I left for work.

Since I came home today, Taylor is whining and crying out like she's in pain. She's not interested in her food (very unlike her), she's restless, and she has wet herself in her crate - she has never done that. I spoke with my dad earlier this evening and he helped me realize that now is the time to end her suffering. We don't know what's wrong with her, aside from very old age, but it's obvious that she's not well. And, she's not the happy girl she's always been. My dad is coming up tomorrow afternoon to help me when I take her to the vet. I don't think she'll be coming home with us.

I have shed many tears for my sweet Taylor this afternoon and tonight. It is never easy to come to this fork in the road with a beloved pet. I feel guilty for being impatient with her in recent months. I wish I had been more aware that she was suffering and acted sooner to alleviate her discomfort - to seek advice from the vet.

I wish there were something I could do tonight to help her rest until we can do more for her tomorrow.

It's going to be a long night.

**** Update ****

Taylor was suffering too much to wait for daylight and our scheduled trip to the vet. I decided to take her to the emergency clinic in the middle of the night. My parents met us there, and a very kind veterinarian examined her and assured us we were making the right choice for Taylor. She passed away about 1:30 Saturday morning. We cry for losing her, but take comfort in knowing she no longer suffers.