This is Home

I finally got to see the latest Narnia movie yesterday. I guess the good thing about waiting was that it had moved to the discount theater, and so I was able to purchase my ticket, some toffee peanuts, and a bottle of water for just $9. Can't beat that!

Prince Caspian was darker than the first movie, but was a thrill nonetheless. The new characters were wonderful, and the special effects were amazing. I guess the next in the series is already in production and will be released in 2010. I can't wait!

What has been your favorite summer movie?

Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On!!!

By now, you've probably heard about today's excitement on the news - southern California experienced a 5.4 earthquake. I was in an antique store at the time, which is not where you want to be when the big one hits. Anyway, this wasn't the big one, although it was an attention getter! I was shopping near an Asian lady who was rather scared. So, I moved towards her and she towards me, and we held hands until the shaking stopped. 

I don't know why I was so calm at the time, but I remember saying to her, "Don't worry. God is in control. We'll be okay." She probably thought I was nuts.

The earthquake lasted no more than 15 or 20 seconds, but it seems like forever when it's happening. Afterwards, I had to sit down for a minute or two because I was shaking! Even after 40 years, I'm still surprised when the earth moves. It's just not something you get used to.

My Chinese Dream

I dreamed last night that I was in China with my husband and parents at some hotel. Everyone around us was receiving their long-awaited bundles of joy. But we were left empty handed. It wasn't a good dream - it was sad, actually.

In light of how much things changed with the adoption process in China after I began my adoption, and how much I love being married to my husband, I know that I made the right decision for us when I walked away from my adoption.

But every time I see an Asian baby my heart aches.

Good Fortune

I had Chinese take-out the other night, and my fortune read:

When the flowers bloom, so will great joy in your life.

I'm reading all kinds of things into that while I wait to see if I'm pregnant or not. Eleven days of waiting to go...

...and then there were three million.

I guess Michael's swimmers don't like to be frozen! There were just three million viable sperm post-wash today, but the doctor was not concerned about it. He likened today's sperm to "reinforcements" and said yesterday's thirteen million were still on the job - so to speak. They did another ultrasound to be sure that the other egg had ovulated, and it has. So I've got two eggs and 16 million sperm doing their thing. I sure hope that's going to do it!

Michael has just arrived in Sardinia, Italy (below). His boss is getting married there this weekend. Michael will be at the wedding, but not as a guest. He's part of a trio of musicians who will play at the wedding and reception. Still, spending the weekend in Sardinia isn't bad, you know? I wish I could have joined him.

As for me, I plan on taking it easy around here this weekend. Shouldn't be hard to do.

Have a good one!

13 Million!

That was our washed sperm count today! We are very pleased because the most we ever had before for an IUI was 7 million. It seems that treating Michael's varicocele has nearly doubled his post-wash sperm count. We still don't know how many tomorrow's frozen sample will yield, but we are hopeful that it will be close to today's count. Today's ultrasound revealed that the 30mm follicle had released its egg on the left side, but the 28mm follicle is still in the right ovary. The doctor thinks it will ovulate today. I'm hoping both eggs will be fertilized and we'll be pregnant with twins. A girl can dream, can't she?

So, today I will take it real easy, and tomorrow I will return for the second IUI. I am going to miss having Michael there with me tomorrow. I like holding his hand during the IUI. He's good at comforting me when I feel uncomfortable. I'll just have to tough it out on my own tomorrow. The nurse said most women don't have their partners there with them during their IUIs, so I guess I'm blessed that Michael is usually available to go with me.

Come on little swimmers!!!

Looking Good!

This morning's ultrasound showed that I have two mature follicles ready to go. What I thought was interesting is that there is one in each ovary - last time I had two in one ovary. Anyway, they are larger than I remember from our previous attempts at this. I heard the doctor say one was 28mm and the other 30mm. I guess that's good.

After the ultrasound, they shot me up with some HCG and sent me on my way. Now I'm resting on the couch because that shot makes my hip sore. My sweet husband prepared a delicious lunch for me, and he's going to run an errand for me so that I can take it easy.

Tomorrow morning we'll do our first IUI this cycle. We are excited to see how many swimmers make the cut! Our RE seems to be interested in knowing more about the procedure Michael had because he hasn't had any other patients do that. He said it was "innovative". He's right. It is. And, hopefully it will be just what we needed to do to overcome our IF.

Tomorrow night Michael will leave for his European tour, (sad face...) so Friday's IUI will be with some "defrosted" swimmers. Oh, well. It's all good.

UPDATE:

Wow... I can REALLY feel those follicles doing whatever it is they are doing. So much pressure. Ouch! I hope they will settle down tomorrow. This is no fun. I had forgotten just how uncomfortable this part of the process is.

We're So Domestic!

On Sunday we became members of this establishment:

We were almost giddy as we perused the aisles. We were there to purchase a Mont Blanc pen for my dad's birthday gift, but we scored some shoes for Michael, his favorite Neutrogena Rain Bath, and a couple bottles of wine, too. I was excited to see that they sell discount movie tickets - we're never paying full-price to go to the movies again!

This could be fun/dangerous...

Busy Week

We have doctors appointments related to our IUI procedure everyday this week except Tuesday. So, we'll be making lots of trips down to Newport Beach. Good thing gas prices have dropped a bit recently, but I still think it will cost more than $70 to fill up my tank today. I hate that!

I have been feeling fatigued and irritable, and I attribute that to the Clomid. My husband has been very patient with me when I've not had the energy to do much around here and when I've been short with him. Poor guy!

Anyway, I'm feeling the excitement and anticipation of the whole IUI process this week, and disappointment that Michael has to leave on Thursday night. I'll spend the 2ww all by my lonesome. Oh, well...

I Can Hardly Catch My Breath...

...I'm laughing so hard!!!

This is terribly funny.

I don't care what your political leanings are, you have got to see the humor/irony/ridiculousness in that NPR story.

And the comments are PRICELESS!

Enjoy!

iDid It!

Actually, WE did it! After two failed attempts to purchase these little goodies earlier in the week, we left the house at 6:15 am yesterday to trek up to Pasadena (local stores were sold out) and stand in line. We were there by 7 am, and were just the seventh customers in line. The store didn't open until 9 am, so we had some time to kill. I found a great little bakery and got some hot beverages and croissants for breakfast for my honey and me while we waited on Colorado Boulevard. The line quickly grew in length, and we were happy that we got such an early start. By 9:45 am, we were out of there with our new toys.

I am especially excited because the iPhone can be used overseas. I will be able to reach Michael more often and more easily when he's traveling than ever before.

The night before, we went to the county fair and saw this legend:

He puts on quite a show. It's not my thing, but the crowd loved him. Ladies were flinging their panties on the stage! Outrageous! We got free tickets from a friend of Michael's who is part of the crew. It was fun.

The best part of the show, in my opinion was Sheila E.

She and her band put on a fantastic show! They did a lot of funky gospel and a couple of her 1980s hits. So much fun!

My Handy Man

Yesterday morning Michael got up about an hour before I did to feed the dog and he did not come back to bed. I slept in until 7 am (that's sleeping in around here), and when I got up and came into the kitchen he had already installed our new kitchen faucet. I must have been sleeping like the dead because I never heard anything - and this is a very small house! Our old kitchen faucet was one of these:


I'm sure it was the coolest thing back in the 1950s, but now not so much. Not only was it old, it had a mind of its own. Even though we wouldn't turn on the brush, it would turn itself on when we turned on the water and spray all over the place. It soaked our cleaning lady the other day. That was the last straw. And, we could have replaced it with another DishMaster, but they don't sell them that economically anymore. The least expensive one I could find online was about $160 and it had to be special ordered - Lowe's and Home Depot don't have those in their product lines. So we got something else, but our choices were very limited because we have a wall mount situation. It'll do for now.

But my handy husband didn't stop there.

He worked until 1:30 pm installing our new patio room door. We couldn't really find a "patio door" for our patio room, so we improvised with a storm door instead, and it turned out to be just the right thing. It's much sturdier and secure than the old door was and it looks great, too. Once Michael gets back from his next tour, we'll clean the surfaces in the patio room and paint them. That's our running project right now - get the patio room livable. I've got some great decorating ideas once we get the room cleaned up a bit more. Since last fall it was a storehouse for about a third of Michael's junk. Finally, last week he started cleaning out the patio room and the garage, and throwing many things out or donating them. I am so proud of him because he's a hoarder and it's really hard for him to let go of anything.

Lastly, we saw the RE this morning for an ultrasound. Everything looks good for me. The doctor said he thought Michael's numbers looked really good from his most recent analysis. I'll start the clomid today. We both agreed that it felt good to be taking this step.

Now we're just hoping to see some nice, healthy, mature:

Peace

Sometime after my meltdown yesterday, I got around to doing my Bible study and in doing so was able to refocus on the situation with a spiritual lens. Perhaps, someday I'll be able to see things through that lens before I let my emotions rule my reaction to every disappointment, but I'm far from that now.

I've mentioned before that I've been working on Beth Moore's Jesus: 90 Days with the One and Only, and yesterday's lesson was titled Go in Peace. The key verse for the lesson was, "Your faith has saved you. Go in peace." (Luke 7:50)

Through the reading and reflecting, I felt the message for me in the lesson, and in light of the day's challenges, was that I should move forward with peace of mind because God is in control. I also had to consider that Satan can use this infertility experience to disrupt my peace. And, you know what? I really don't want to play into that. I need to recognize that when it's happening and turn my heart in a different direction.

The lesson ended with a reference to Hannah who was desperate for a child. Long story short (but its a good story if you have time to read it for yourself!), she was overheard praying in the temple by the priest. Hers was a "wailing" prayer (I was doing a little wailing myself yesterday). In her prayer she wails, "Don't think of me as a wicked woman; I've been praying from the depth of my anguish and resentment." And the priest responded, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant the petition you have requested of Him" (1 Samuel 1:15-17).

So, that's how I'm going to move forward - in peace, with the knowledge I have in God's ability to do more than I can imagine. He knew that Michael was going to have to leave sooner than planned. This is no surprise to Him.

Complete Meltdown

I was elated when my period started this morning, because I knew we could start scheduling the appointments for our upcoming IUI. So, I put in a call to the doctor's office and was waiting for them to return the call when my husband got a call.

He has to leave six days earlier for his upcoming tour than planned.

He has to leave the day of our IUI.

I spent maybe two seconds in a state of shock, before I proceeded to complete meltdown mode. The tears flowed and flowed. I was making the ugly crying face - couldn't help it.

My husband tried to be supportive - well, for a few minutes anyway.

Then he grew frustrated with me, and I told him that his attitude was making me feel very alone in this hurt and disappointment.

Then he snapped back into supportive mode, which we had just talked about last night, because he hasn't yet learned to avoid saying things like, "Don't stress about it," and, my favorite, "Relax." As sweet and sensitive as he can be, he just doesn't get it, yet. I know he has a good heart, so I just have to chalk it up to ignorance on his part. He's still in training.

Then the doctor's office called back, and I was still crying. I explained to the nurse why I was upset, and she said they could freeze some swimmers if need be. I'm less than enthused about that, because frozen sperm aren't as good as fresh ones. Sigh...

The best case scenario right now is that he won't leave until the afternoon of our first insemination day - so it'll be the fresh stuff. But day two will be frozen.

The worst case scenario would be that I'm not ready on time, and we use frozen sperm both days.

I am angry with his boss for throwing this out last minute. This earlier departure is for a personal event for his boss - one that I'm sure has been planned for quite a while and could have been mentioned sooner. I hate that our very personal endeavor to become pregnant is subject to my husband's travel schedule and the whims of his boss.

I want to look on the bright side, but right now I'm hurt and angry.

Plumerias and Infertility Ramblings

One of the best things about spending time in Hawaii is the beautiful flora. Plumeria, like the ones above, are everywhere and they smell intoxicating. Michael loves them as much as I do, and so we are going to replace a butterfly bush in the backyard with a plumeria sometime soon. While we were on our vacation, my sweet husband frequently picked plumeria flowers for me to wear behind my ear. I had two plumeria leis during our vacation, too - one that his friend Millie made for me from her own tree, and another that I purchased in Chinatown where you can get leis at bargain prices. The leis really don't last more than a day in that heat, but they are so pretty and fragrant. Every girl should have one!

So, it looks like as much fun as we had in Hawaii that we did not conceive a little Hawaiian miracle. My temperature dropped today and I expect to get my period in the next day or two. I'm disappointed, for sure, but it doesn't take away from the great time we had there. However, it did get me thinking that I'd like to take advantage of the fact that I'm still on vacation and Michael isn't traveling much, and return to the RE for another cycle or two of medicated IUIs. Hubby wasn't keen on the idea at first, but after discussing it thoroughly, he conceded that I made my point(s) and told me to call the RE's office. Putting anymore ART off until the fall would mean we have to fit it all in with my work schedule (the first part of the year is so demanding!), and his increased travel schedule. It just makes it more stressful. Now seems like a good time to sort of leisurely attend the doctor's appointments on our wide-open schedules, instead of rushing down there by 6:30 am before work.

So, I called and spoke with the nurse. As soon as I start my period, we'll schedule the first of the appointments - an ultrasound and the receipt of the prescription for clomid. The nurse said that our insurance will cover the injectable medication (but not clomid), but I remembered how well I had responded to the clomid (which is affordable) and chose to try that this cycle instead. If we progress to injectables, Michael has assured me that he will be doing the injecting.

So, here we go again! Please keep us in your prayers, if you would.

Oahu 2008

Happy Birthday, America!

Photo credit to my husband.

Taken from the USS Arizona Memorial in Pearl Harbor.

We devoted a morning to visiting Pearl Harbor while we were in Hawaii. It was a first for both of us and it was a very moving experience. Although it may seem like a cliche to some, visiting a sacred site like this one reminds one that freedom is not free.

Just in from Hawaii

We had a WONDERFUL time in Hawaii. The picture above is at the Hilton Hawaiian Village on our first full day there. We sat out by the pool for several hours refreshing ourselves in the pool and soaking up the rays. I had never done the resort thing in Hawaii before, and so it was good to spend a couple days at this amazing property and feel like we were living in style.

Being in Hawaii with Michael was totally different than the previous times I've been there before. He has spent enough time in the islands (he was born there and has returned many times since) to know about all the local delicacies and favorite places. I was introduced to many foods I had never tried before as Michael hunted down some of his favorites like malasadas and manapuas - yum!!! I also tried shave ice with ice cream and azuki beans. It didn't sound good to me at first, but it is - it is! We treated ourselves to a shared shave ice every day.

Once we left Waikiki, we spent the remainder (and most of) our vacation in the town of Kailua. Kailua has one of the best beaches in Hawaii, but no resorts. It's a bedroom community. Lots of people live there and commute to Honolulu for work. We were within a short walk's distance from the beach and the downtown shopping area. The property at which we stayed was waterfront, but not beachfront, however we could see the beach from the backyard (which was just beautiful), and we had full use of their saltwater pool. The unit we stayed in was so charming and comfortable, and the owners were gracious hosts. In fact, they discussed having us return next summer to housesit for them while they travel! We would be delighted to do so, of course!

On a side note, I really enjoyed waking to the sounds of the birds in the morning. They kept birds at their home, and together with the native birdies we were treated to quite a chorus each morning.

We drove around the island one day - up to the famous North Shore, through the fields of sugar cane and pineapple, along the stunningly beautiful coastline. Of the three islands I have now visited, I have to say that Oahu is my favorite. There is so much to do there if you like, and yet when we were at "home" in Kailua it was so quiet and and life moved very slowly. I was trying to figure out how we could relocate to Kailua, but alas I cannot think of a reasonable way to do so. So, we will return as visitors one day instead.

I hope to put together a little slideshow of some of our photos, but I've got other things that need my attention first. Perhaps I'll get to that over the weekend instead.

Aloha, for now!