Happy New Year!

Best wishes to you all for a prosperous and joyful new year!

Dear Anonymous...

Please don't take this the wrong way, but at 40 your odds of getting pregant diminish greatly. Your RE should be upfront and let you know what your chances are at 40. There is hope, but the odds go down because women are born with all the eggs they will ever have and the quality goes down with age. Don't waste time with clomid. It decreases the uterine lining and makes implantation harder, especially in older women. Try a few IUI's and then if you can or need to, do IVF. IVF can at least give you an idea of egg quality. Every month is important at this age. I hope this does not sound negative, but it is realist. Good luck!

Unless you yourself are an RE, I don't know why you are lurking around giving fertility advice. Everybody's body is different. You know nothing about me. IVF is a huge commitment financially, and it doesn't always work, either. My husband and I will chart our own course, thank you. We know that our odds are diminished - I don't need you to enlighten me about that. It hangs over my head every day. And, our RE has been upfront with us. It sounds to me like you've had your own experiences with infertility and you're assuming our situation is like yours. Once again, everybody is different. I guess what bothers me about this more than anything, is that it was left by someone anonymously. If you have something to say, then sign your name to it.

It really bugs me that people, nay, strangers, interject themselves into such personal matters. So, from now on, only registered users will be able to post comments here. I just don't need an ongoing lurker to continue leaving comments and unwanted advice. I tend to feel more comfortable with advice when it's given by people I know and trust.

That comment really bugs me after the party we attended last night where all my husband's friends obviously knew we are trying to have a baby. We were asked all kinds of questions, and given advice - you know the old standby, "Just relax. It will happen." I hate that! I am relaxed, but I'm being proactive, too. After all, I'm forty and my chances are "diminished".

One of Micheal's friends had had several glasses of wine before he came up to me and said, "So, you two are trying to procreate?" What??? What are you asking me??? At a party??? And, because Michael doesn't elaborate as to why we're having a hard time, I have to stand there and listen as everyone assumes it's me. I don't want to make him feel bad in front of his friends, so I don't reveal to them that it's a male-factor infertility issue we're dealing with. Anyway, we had a talk about it on the way home. I hope it doesn't happen again.

Ugh! Now I know why couples keep these things to themselves.

Lastly, thank you so much to those of you who left encouraging comments and shared your stories with me. I appreciate your kindness and honesty. I really do.

My period started today. It came a few days later than I would have expected it to, and that gave us hope that the fertility routine we'd followed last month had been successful. Not so.

Sigh...

No tears here, though. It's just too soon for me to give up hope and let my emotions get the best of me.

Here's where we've been so far:

Because of our ages, we were able to get a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist a few months ago. We've undergone all the initial tests, and almost everything is as it should be. Although, ahem, there aren't as many "boys on the team" as there should be. Enough to still play the game, though. Don't you love my euphemisms? ;-) I hope you catch my drift.

So, this last cycle we tried a little clomid and an IUI - two actually. We were really hopeful that it would work the first time, but alas it has not. I had four follicles, two really nice ones, but no luck. As I said before, I'm not broken up about it, just disappointed.

I just don't know what lies ahead. More IUIs? Yes, for now. IVF? Adoption? Who knows? Only time will tell.

I do know that many of you came to adoption after suffering from infertility, so perhaps you know what we're going through from personal experience. I have a wonderful, caring husband and a super supportive family, but most of my friends are done having babies. Therefore, I don't really feel like I have other women to talk to who can relate on a personal level. So, I guess I'm putting this out there to ask for your support, and the wisdom of your experiences on the journey to motherhood.

I just love this poster! And I love my labs - both of them. ;-)

The "big dog" is working today, and so I've got the day to myself. I think I'll use part of the day to get on over to the DMV and apply for a new license with my married name. After my trip to the Social Security office yesterday, I now know that I need to take a book with me to help pass the time while I wait.

As for Buffy, we learned the other day that she has sustained damage to her cruciate ligament and has arthritis in her knees. None of this comes as a surprise, as Buffy was born with bad knees and already had surgery at ten months of age. So, we'll see the surgeon for a consultation on Monday, and probably schedule surgery as soon as possible. I'm hoping we can just do the worst knee for now. I think that will make her recovery easier. Poor Buffy. Poor us... Recovery is two months of confinement in the crate. It's no fun for anybody. Right Mom? My parents housed Buffy for me during her first recovery. This time, Michael will be home enough to be with Buffy while I'm working.

That's it for now. I'd best get my day going.

The Day After Christmas

I'm not one to hit the malls for the After-Christmas sales. We're just planning a quiet day at home instead. I've got to take Buffy to the veterinarian this afternoon, though.

Our first Christmas as husband and wife was a success. Christmas Eve we attended church, took a walk in Naples to see the lights and decorations, and then enjoyed some Chicken Adobo (Filipino-style), rice, roasted brussel sprouts, and champagne. We were supposed to entertain my parents and my grandmother that night, but my dad has the flu or something, so they didn't make it. We capped off the evening by watching my favorite Christmas movie, A Christmas Story. Michael hadn't seen it in its entirety before, so I insisted that we watch it. I had just watched it on Friday with my students. I never tire of Ralphie's quest for his "Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and 'this thing' which tells time")". Cracks me up!

Christmas morning, we opened stockings and exchanged gifts at home together, before enjoying a delicious breakfast of German pancakes. Michael has been experimenting with his new cast-iron skillet, and trying to find the best recipe for German pancakes on the Internet. My husband is an awesome cook! I'm afraid that I will gain lots of weight from his scrumptious breakfasts. This morning it was waffles. Sigh... So. Good. Anyway, we spent the afternoon with his parents, three of his brothers, and one of his nieces. We didn't get to see the whole family, though, as they were coming later for dinner. We had dinner at my sister's. My poor dad was still too unwell to join us. What a bummer for him. Our most spectacular Christmas gift was from Michael's mom. She got us a KitchenAid mixer! Our kitchen is stocked with the best stuff now! There's nothing we can't do here. The only drawback is the pitiful lack of counter space. Oh, well...

Tomorrow, I'm going to brave the Social Security office and start the name-change process. Wish me luck!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all!

Happy birthday, Jesus!

Breath of Heaven - Mary's Song

I am not a member of the LDS church (which seems to have put this together), but I found this on You*Tube, and I love how it portrays the nativity visually and musically.

I hope you are blessed by it this Christmas Eve.

The Big Four Oh!

Tomorrow is my birthday - my fortieth one! I must say that I'm not dreading it, not at all. This past year has been so amazing. My life is headed in the direction I want it to, and I just couldn't be happier.

Our plans for tomorrow are a little up in the air. We know we're going out for a nice dinner, but other than that we're not sure. It's just that every place is so crazy-busy right now. I don't know if we will brave the crowds, or not. I guess we'll make up our minds when we get up in the morning.

I'm open to suggestions, though. Any great ideas for how a girl should celebrate her fortieth b-day?

Wonderful Parents

I didn't want to end the year on a negative note about parents. So, today's post is about some of the things the great moms and dads have done for me and my students over the years. If you want to be wonderful in the eyes of your child's teacher, do things like this:

Volunteer! Even a half-hour a week can be a huge help to your child's teacher. In my classroom I have my volunteers work with kids, and assist with clerical things. I try to have a variety of things for them to do, because everybody has different talents. I've a got a fantastic mom who comes in weekly for about 45 minutes at a time and she makes all the copies I'll need for the coming week. She's an angel! I've got several moms who come by for a half-hour after lunch and drill kids on their multiplication facts. The kids benefit from that so much, because the ones who are struggling with multiplication usually are not getting that practice with their mom and dad at home.

I've also got several moms who come once a week each, and work with my lowest math students while I teach the lesson whole-class. Those moms really micro-manage those students as they practice math skills like double-digit multiplication and long division. In a big class like mine, it would be very hard for me to give them that much attention. In fact, it's just not possible. Those moms fill in the gap for those kids. Since I started using volunteers that way, my lowest students' scores on the state tests have improved dramatically! Last year, all 31 students were proficient or advanced in math on that test. Something about that extra supervision just improves their skills and confidence.

I've also had volunteers with expertise in science and art teach whole units to my students in the past. The kids are thrilled when someone else makes a guest appearance like that. Last year, this really tough-guy kind of dad came in and taught all the hands-on lessons for our unit on electricity and magnetism. He was great with the kids! They really listened, and I think he gained an appreciation for how hard my job is!

And, then there are the thoughtful and generous parents. The sweet, single, working mom who could never volunteer because of her work schedule, but who always came to conferences with a Starbucks treat in hand for me. I loved that! And, over the years, there have been many generous families who have given me beautiful gifts. Some of those gifts were just way over the top - I would never expect anything like that - but, wow! What a treat!

I think the biggest things to know are that your child's teacher probably works very, very hard. He or she probably entered teaching because they have a passion for teaching and learning, and they most likely really care about their students. They are not your enemy. Show them a little respect and kindness. Treat them like you'd treat any other professional. Treat them how you'd like to be treated.

Lastly, I must say that most parents are pretty wonderful, and so are their kids! There are so many families that I just have the fondest memories of from the last twelve years. I wouldn't keep teaching if that weren't the case!

Crazy Parents

The media calls them helicopter parents. Teachers just call them crazy. I am being besieged by crazy/helicopter parents this year. It is probably the most stressful aspect of my job. In my opinion these types of parents do not respect me as a professional, and they certainly don't respect the healthy boundaries I try to establish.

Here's my advice for how you can avoid becoming a crazy/helicopter parent:

Don't stop by to talk to the teacher every day. Call and request an appointment if there's a pressing issue.

Don't blame your child's multiple tardies on your child's fear of the teacher (which you must know is not true) and that he must be hiding on campus because you are dropping him off on time - especially when the teacher can see you pull up to the curb outside her door at ten minutes after the bell rings.

Don't lose every, single study guide the teacher sends home, and ask for another one the day before the test.

Don't yell at the teacher and tell her she's "not a kind person" repeatedly (in front of your child) when the teacher simply says that your child must choose their own book for the upcoming book report. Understand that the teacher is trying to teach your child how to make independent decisions and to be responsible for themselves.

Don't call at 5 o'clock on Friday evening and ask the teacher to return your call. It doesn't help that you're leaving your cell phone number - she's not going to call you back. The teacher has gone home for the weekend and is trying not to think about school and the crazy parents that lurk there for 48 hours.

Don't try to negotiate your child's grades. Help your child prepare for tests and assignments instead.

Don't take a lousy report card personally. Read the teacher's practical suggestions for how your child can improve his or her work habits and study skills to raise their grades, and then establish some goals for you child in the coming trimester.

Don't gossip about your child's teacher.

Don't believe everything your child tells you. When they say they don't have a textbook to study from because there weren't enough, they are probably fibbing. More than likely, they just forgot to bring the book home with them, but are reluctant to admit that to you.

Don't run after the teacher as she's getting into her car on Friday afternoon to continue the ridiculous conversation you had with her just a few moments before when you tried to negotiate a better grade for you child who lost her study guide (again) and probably spent less than 15 minutes studying for the test in the first place.

Yes, all these things have happened to me since I returned to work after Thanksgiving! Work has become a very stressful place to be. The only things that make it bearable are the support of my wonderful principle and my empathetic colleagues.

In a future post, I will give some recommendations for how you can be a wonderful parent in the eyes of your child's teacher.

All Decked Out

Some Favorite Ornaments

Towels, Lights, and Doors

My sweet husband refuses to fold his towels after using them. He claims they will not dry if they are not draped across the towel rack. It makes me crazy.

I asked him if we could compromise and he could at least fold the hand towel after using it. He agreed, but then he passively-aggressively doesn't do it. I think the bathroom looks messy like this. I think towels should be folded after use. Like this:

Mine always seems dry the next day when I go to use it!

He also has the terrible habit of leaving lights on in rooms he's left. In addition to the bathroom lights, he leaves this one on all the time. I'm constantly turning lights off behind him and asking him if he owns stock in the electric company.

Lastly, he rarely closes the kitchen door or the patio room door all the way. With it being so cold lately, this lets in a draft.

Sigh...

Ladies, what's a new wife to do?

Wedding Photographs

As some of you already know, our wedding pictures were made available to us over the weekend. We have really enjoyed looking at them on our photographer's website. If I didn't already email the web address and password information to you, and you'd like to see the pictures, just email me.

The one above is one of my favorites, and we're using it on our holiday cards that I just ordered from Shutterfly. They have such cute card designs and reasonable prices, too. I hope my order will arrive in time for me to get our cards out before Christmas. It's fast approaching, isn't it? Wow...

There are so many images to choose from - at least 500! I don't know how we'll narrow it down, but we'll probably order a few prints to frame and then have our photographer design a book for us that tells the story (in photographs) of the day. We saw some of these books she does when we met with her in August, and they are amazing.

Here's another one we love:


Tonight is the last night that I'll have to keep myself warm for a while - Michael is coming home tomorrow! It's been really cold here this week. Oh, come on! Cold for Southern California. Okay? ;-)

Stay warm, everybody.

Wishes

Last year, just before Christmas, a student of mine gave me one of these Wish Ornaments from Red Envelope. As I was putting up my tree this evening, I came across it again, and I checked to see if I had put any wishes in it before. When I opened it, I found these two wishes:

2007 referral for Jillian

&

** commitment **

Now, as you know the first wish sadly didn't come true. But my second wish absolutely did. I was waiting last year for Michael to make up his mind about his/our future. It was a difficult time for me. Now, I'm a married woman! What a difference one year can make in one's life.

I suggested to Michael that we make some wishes together for 2008 and place them in our Wish Ornament when he returns in a few days.

On a different note, it's no fun being a newlywed when your honey is thousands of miles away...

My Poor Guy

Last night on the webcam, Michael showed me that he's got a case of nasty hives. I couldn't believe the size of the welts on his skin, and I was worried he was going into anaphylactic shock. I told him to get some Benadryl ASAP. He says the hives are somewhat better today, but now he's got a fever and body aches. Poor guy! He's in snowy Canada, and I can't be there to take care of him. This stinks!

***UPDATE*** Michael tried to see a doctor today at a clinic in Montreal, but the wait was more than 2 hours and he didn't have the time before he had to work. I feel so badly for him. Any tips from you Canadians out there about seeing a doctor on short notice?